Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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