the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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