This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
