Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
