Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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