you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
