i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize