Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
