hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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