Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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