I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
