Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
