ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
