Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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