he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
