im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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