I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
