Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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