On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
