Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
