were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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