Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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