you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
