He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
