we're chasing vodka with high fives
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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