I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
