I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
worst night to have a conscience
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
