Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
