Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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