I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
