weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
