He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
