He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
