Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
