I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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