But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I want to fling myself into the sun
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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