Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
someone owes me an orgasm
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
