dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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