i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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