Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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