Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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