I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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