There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
