the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
