So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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