we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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