After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
