I puked a lego.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize