Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
