The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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