okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
