i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
