Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
