I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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