i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
