i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
