i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would ride that face into the sunset
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
