If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
