bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
