Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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