My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
