So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
