Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
