im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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