I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
