The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize