you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish I only lived at night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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