The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
