Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
