so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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