I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize