Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
