Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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