I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize