how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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