FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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