if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
