I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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