I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
