The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
