he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
