I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
