my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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