At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
