ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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