if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
