I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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