I puked a lego.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
