How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
