I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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