The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love you. Go after that dick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
