Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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