i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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