if i can run in heels then i can drive
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
