let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
