i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize