direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
