Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We have started to decorate penises.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
