I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
