when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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