im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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