Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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