Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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