I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ttyl tear gas
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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