I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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