I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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