i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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