we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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