I love black thongs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
